Therapy
by French Pop
Summary: When an original character, Kafei, and Link have been requested to attend therapy every weekend, what could happen? CHAOS, I tell you! Rated the big PG & 13 for language and innuendo.
1. The Characters

Here's a little biography for ya!  
  
This series of stories is just about the misadventures me, Link and Kafei have. I had a lotta funwriting these bios so please R&R okay (and I don't mean "rest and relax")! There might not be an actual story JUST YET but until then, take this time to familiarize yourself with these characters, okay?  
  
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Miss Cheex   
  
Name:   
  
Her real name is (car passes by) but because of her fat cheeks (on her face) she's known as "Miss Cheex" or Mz/Chx for short.  
  
Age: 17 going on 18  
  
Zodiac Sign: Cancer the Crab  
  
Eye Color: Depends on which contacts are in her eyes.  
  
Hair Color: Jet-Black but currently sky-blue with cerulean highlights.  
  
Occupation:   
  
full-time journalist for Fanfiction-Dot-Net, partime waitress at the Extended Milk Bar Latte and independent fashion designer (in her spare time).  
  
Personality:  
  
Somewhat immature, obsessive, comically sarcastic, easily agitated, revengeful, slowly to forgive, annoying, & loud BUT yet, a kind, compassionate, understanding and suprisingly sensitive person.  
  
Likes:  
  
Getting tipsy from Chateau Romani (the liquor milk), Kafei, Link (a little), her job (most of the time), Shonen Jump/Shojo/Tokyo Pop Manga, video games, and Jazz.  
  
Dislikes:  
  
Link (a lot), her reporter-job (most of the time), her Friday Milk Bar uniform, bad hair days, little kids (with the exception of Kafei and Link), Kafei's ditzy sister.  
  
Hobbies:   
  
Drawing, getting drunk off Chateau, collecting milk bottles for her chateau, costume designing and other teen shtuff.  
  
Weaknesses:   
  
Puppies , bargains.  
  
Goals:   
  
Raise enough money to go to college.  
  
Relationships:   
  
Self-proclaimed best-friend of Joanna "Perfect" Dark, ex-girlfriend of Link and current suitor of Kafei, also the sworn enemy of Zelda for personal reasons.  
  
Wants in a guy:   
  
Great sense of humor, honesty, compassion, a muscular body.  
  
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Kafei   
  
Name:   
  
Kafei Doutor (kuh-fay do-tour is how I say it)  
  
Age: Once 24, now 13  
  
Zodiac Sign: u/k (unknown)  
  
Eye Color: Crimson Red  
  
Hair Color: Indigo (some people say purple, while others say blue so let's call it indigo)  
  
Occupation:   
  
Know-it-all, hair-care creator, Clock Town, Termina resident.  
  
Personality:   
  
Very mature 90% of the time and extremely childish during the other 10%. Holds his liquor very well. Respectful, secretive, understanding.  
  
Likes:  
  
Caring for his hair, dodgeball, capture the flag, the archery game, the occassional night out (every Saturday), Mz/Chx when she's very, VERY drunk, practical jokes.  
  
Dislikes:   
  
Mz/Chx when she's not drunk enough. Hair weaves/extensions, colored contacts, that one outfit Mz/Chx's wears that's similar to his, followers, disrespect to others and themselves, gag t-shirts, losing, Anju, whores.  
  
Hobbies:   
  
Concocting shampoo and all that jazz. Traveling, the ocarina (hey, Link ain't the only one who can play!)  
  
Weaknesses:   
  
Puppy-dog eyes and lip-quivering.  
  
Goals:   
  
To create the perfect hair dye. To convince Link and Mz/Chx to let him test his hair stuff on them.  
  
Relationships:   
  
Suitee of Mz/Chx and close friend of Link and the Curiosity-Shop man, ex-husband of Anju, son of Mayor Doutor and "Madame" Aroma Doutor, brother of Soda (that girl with the purple hair who runs the Bombchu Bowling Alley and the Treasure Chest Shop)  
  
Wants in a girl:   
  
Compassion, maturity, self-respect, nice hair, short.  
  
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Link  
  
Name:   
  
Link (no last name, like Madonna...or Cher!)  
  
Age: 13 or 18 (when he feels like it)  
  
Zodiac Sign: u/k  
  
Eye Color: Deep blue  
  
Hair Color: Blonde (shiiiiiiny)  
  
Occupation: Hero Of Time and a hero everywhere he goes.  
  
Personality: Perverted (admit it, Link IS a class-a ho!), smart-ass, usually an asshole as an adult, but sweet as a child. Also egotistic and somewhat slow but still, he's TOO cute!  
  
Likes: Girls, Zelda, sex, himself, Mz/Chx (a little) and when she acts really stupid from drinking, Chateau Romani, being in his adult body, Soda.  
  
Dislikes: When Kafei tries to "de-blonde" him, when Mz/Chx tries to bash him all the time (verbally), when people accuse him of being "dumb". The fact that he still can't get whatever he wants even though he's a lengendary hero, his Deku form, having to travel all the way to Hyrule to become an adult (which is why he usually stays a child).  
  
Hobbies: Saving the world, abusing the powers of his mystical masks.  
  
Weaknesses: Eye-batting, green-eyes, the Song Of Healing (it makes him feel all FUZZY inside, awwww).  
  
Goals: To womanize Mz/Chx into loving him again, to eventually "settle down".  
  
Relationships: ex-boyfriend of Ruto, Saria, Marron (Malon) and them, current boyfriend of Zelda, ex-boyfriend of Mz/Chx, sworn enemy of Mido (is it mee-doe or my-doe?)  
  
Wants in a girl: Loyalty, nice body, and brains.  
  
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Well, that's it for the biographies! Damn...my fingers hurt. Owie. 


	2. The Bomb

Now, let's get to the actual story...  
  
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Chapter 1: The Bomb  
  
:::::Miss Cheex:::::  
  
Ah! It's 5:00 Saturday! Man, I love the weekends. Is there anything on my agenda?  
  
Hmm, Link & Kafei called me and asked me to come ALL the way from where I live to the Milk Bar Latte in Termina. They want me to arrive at 11.  
  
I think I'll go, I need to relax even though I need that interview of Luigi on the boss's desk by Monday. UGHHH. Luigi's such a perv. He's been that way since Daisy left his sorry ass.  
  
Anyways, I wonder why they wanted me to go? I usually have to convince them to go ANYWHERE with me. Am I wierd or something?  
  
But what am I gonna wear? I think I might wear my baby-tee with the cow on the front that says "moo!''  
  
sigh Link liked that shirt a lot.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
:::::Kafei:::::  
  
Link & I called that wierd reporter girl Miss Cheex and told her to meet us at the milk bar. I hope she's broke because then she won't get drunk.  
  
But then again when she's DANGEROUSLY drunk she gets all thoughtful and nice. Too bad Chateau didn't have the same effect on Anju.  
  
God, I hope she doesn't wear that one outfit. That one outfit with the white tube-top that has those blue flame designs like my shirt. And those purple hip-huggers with the circles down the sides like my shorts.  
  
It makes us look like a couple.  
  
I should ask Soda to give her some of her old stuff.  
  
And ANOTHER thing, why the hell is her hair BLUE? She looks like a damn alien! I could do WONDERS with her hair if she let me.  
  
Wait-why am I ranting about this girl, I need to get ready...  
  
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:::::Link:::::  
  
Hmmm, Kafei wanted me to go to the Latte. Sometimes he is so CREEPY...He has RED eyes. He reminds me of that Shiek guy that kept stalking me around Hyrule. Yecch...  
  
Crap, I forgot he invited my umm, 7th or 8th ex-girlfriend. She was...different. For one, she had dark skin like a Gerudo but she wasn't as sexy.  
  
She had a cartoonish-like face and blue shiny hair like Bulma from Dragonball only she had highlights. She was the best drunkie ever!  
  
Oh well, it's a good 2 hours to get to Termina. C'mon Epona...  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
(it's 11:30 at night and Mz/Chx is outside the Milk Bar Latte in East Clock Town Termina)  
  
Mz/Chx: (knocking on the door) Helllllooooooo?  
  
Owner (Mr. Barten): Yeah, yeah who's 'dere?!  
  
Mz/Chx: Hiiiiii Mr. Barten! I brought my own glass!  
  
Mr. Barten: sigh C'mon in.  
  
(she heads down the stairs and sits inbetween the unoccupied stool between Kafei and Link...who BTW, look pretty pissed)  
  
Mz/Chx: Hi guys! (smile)  
  
Link: (who's an adult)......  
  
Mz/Chx: (turns to Kafei) What's eatin' him?  
  
Kafei: (rolls up his sleeve to look at his watch) We told you to be here at 11 and it's 11:30!!  
  
Link: (mumbling) Man, you sure are living up to that "CPT" myth...  
  
Mz/Chx: (takes a pen out her purse and holds it like a micrphone) ANNNNND we are now going live to Link being a bitch, Link? (tilts pen)  
  
Link: :(  
  
Kafei: Hey, hey. Now, would you CARE to explain why you were late?  
  
Mz/Chx: Damn, I thought I graduated high-school, TEACHER.  
  
Kafei: (rolls eyes)  
  
Mr. Barten: (who was cleaning out a glass with a hankerchief) So, what'll it be kids?  
  
Kafei: 2 regulars...  
  
Mz/Chx: Oh, and one SUPER-Chateau...On the rocks.  
  
Kafei: "Super Chateau?", what the hell is that?!  
  
Mz/Chx: It's just something I created one time while playing with my milk. I added cinnamon, whipped cream, and some Arbor Mist.  
  
Mr. Barten: C'mon right up!  
  
Mz/Chx: So, wassup fellers?  
  
Kafei: WELL, remember last week when we hung out?  
  
Mz/Chx: Yeah, I thought we had a blast! Even though I don't remember all of it...  
  
Link: Maybe it was because you were to busy running around in your "Pochacco" lingerie and swimming inside a yellow Chu-Chu!  
  
Mz/Chx: Okay Link, I didn't really ASK for your fucking 2 rupees! (get it, 2 cents, 2 rupees? haha) Hmmm, but that WOULD explain why my hair was green for 3 days...Plus, YOU liked it!  
  
Kafei: PLEASE! Damn!  
  
Mr. Barten: Here ya go kids. 2 regulars for the lightweights...  
  
Kafei: (rolls eyes)  
  
Link: (glare)  
  
Mr. Barten: And one "SUPER CHATEAU" for the lovely young lady...  
  
Link: Lovely young lady? Where? Where??  
  
Mz/Chx: You're so lucky this milk is so damn expensive or I'd bust this bottle right on your dense head!  
  
Mr. Barten: Ehhh, that'll be 280 rupees, sir.  
  
Kafei: Well, here's OUR 40. (slides two red rupees on the table)  
  
Mz/Chx: (sipping her milk) Huh? Oh...(digs in pockets) Umm...Do you take American?  
  
Mr. Barten: sigh Fine whatever...  
  
Mz/Chx: (about to hand him the money but yanks it away) WAIT! Why does MY milk cost 240 rupees?! I thought Chateau only cost 200!  
  
Mr. Barten: Ummm, you had a SUPER Chateau.  
  
Mz/Chx: But it still shouldn't cost that much!  
  
Mr. Barten: Miss, do you have any IDEA how difficult it is to find cinnamon, whipped cream, and Arbor Mist in Termina?!  
  
Mz/Chx: sigh (slams money on the table)  
  
Kafei: FINALLY, without the distractions...This woman was watching your "festivities" that night and...  
  
Mz/Chx: If she wants my number tell her I said "No thanks because I don't roll that way".  
  
Kafei: Oo No...She wanted to (mumbles) send you to therapy.  
  
Mz/Chx: Damn...I am a psycho, huh?  
  
Link: We didn't need a certified psychiatrist to figure that out...(gulp gulp)  
  
Kafei: (whacks Link on the head) Shush!  
  
Mz/Chx: Hmmm, well is it required? More importantly, do I hafta pay?  
  
Kafei: YES and no...  
  
Mz/Chx: Huh?  
  
Kafei: NO as in you don't have to pay because, we being your friends, care about you enough to have paid for these services.  
  
Mz/Chx: Really? (turns to Link) Awww, you DO still care! (hugs Link)  
  
Link: Yeah, yeah, don't get used to it...  
  
Kafei: BUT...Yes as in you DO have to go because this was a good 3590-rupee service.  
  
Mz/Chx: Hey, how come you two don't have to go! You're just as dysfunctional as I am!  
  
Link: Ugh, we DO have to go...  
  
Kafei: I'm afraid he's right, as your friends we are obliged to attend each of these sessions with you for "support".  
  
Mz/Chx: Awwww...that's nice. But HE'S (points thumb at Link) about as supportive as a 34-A cup bra to my grandma...  
  
Link: ....!   
  
Kafei: Whatever, just make sure you show up at my sister's shop next weekend at 11 okay?  
  
MzChx: Okay.  
  
Link: 11 as in 11:00 AM, as in 11:00 AM in TERMANIAN TIME.  
  
Mz/Chx: (rolls eyes) Shut the hell up, Link  
  
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And that ends chapter one! Review!  
  
By the way, CPT stands for "Colored People Time" because of that saying that y'know, how black people are always late?  
  
Next --- 


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